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    my life totally sucks

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    Psioncy

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    Re: my life totally sucks

    Post  Psioncy on Tue Apr 22, 2014 10:08 pm

    You know what man, I'm done with this fucking thread.

    I've gotten my house really clean today, for the first time in forever and a half.

    And, personally, I think that means I deserve a drink.

    Hi HO hi HO, it's off to the store I go.

    It'll be fine cuz I'm gonna take a bunch of sleeping pills with it, so I shouldn't end up drinking too awful much.

    That's the whole key to drinking is mixing it with a lot of sleeping pills.

    Problem solved!


    _________________
    "It's all part of the plan."
    "What is the plan?"
    "I kind of make the plan up as I go."
    "That's not really a plan then."
    "Okay, so it's not a plan. Look, I'm not good with plans."

    The Great Splendini

    Posts : 5167
    Join date : 2012-01-30

    Re: my life totally sucks

    Post  The Great Splendini on Tue Apr 22, 2014 10:30 pm

    whoa!

    isn't that kinda dangerous?

    don't kill yourself, man.

    there's so much to live for.

    like PUSSY.

    or TRYING TO GET PUSSY BUT FAILING.

    or GETTING PUSSY BUT THEN THE BITCH ISN'T WORTH THE HASSLE.

    or NOTHING.

    but still.

    NOTHING or FAILING TO GET PUSSY or A BITCH THAT ISN'T WORTH THE HASSLE is better than Overdosing on sleeping pills and baijiu.

    Think about it man.

    Don't be stupid.

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    Psioncy

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    Re: my life totally sucks

    Post  Psioncy on Tue Apr 22, 2014 10:54 pm

    Ur fucking stupid m'fkr.  All I have is a "hypothetical" GF, year after year after year.

    She's with me a month, then has to leave for reasons beyond both our control, then can't come back.

    Well, i mean there's a variety of variations on that, case in point LeoChick, but still... the result is always the same.

    Just me here alone.

    All The Fucking Time.  Year after pointless year.

    Look, man, I don't want to talk about it.  I'm starting drinking while I was walking around the store outside.

    Now I'm in that zone where I feel pretty good, before it all turns to shit and I'm just whining in Poontang Swapmeet.  

    It's such a limitted period of escape that I pay for so dearly, just let me enjoy it, k?


    _________________
    "It's all part of the plan."
    "What is the plan?"
    "I kind of make the plan up as I go."
    "That's not really a plan then."
    "Okay, so it's not a plan. Look, I'm not good with plans."

    The Great Splendini

    Posts : 5167
    Join date : 2012-01-30

    Re: my life totally sucks

    Post  The Great Splendini on Wed Apr 23, 2014 11:21 am

    sorry, but here are some negative behavior patterns i've observed:

    - you tend to exaggerate your negative circumstances. some truth mixed with some exaggeration

    - when people offer you practical advice, you brush it off. it's almost like you don't really want to solve your problems. like you almost seem to get a sick sense of satisfaction of having problems. if your problems were solved, you might get too bored. you prefer feeling sorry for yourself and getting others to feel sorry for you than fixing your problems.

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    Psioncy

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    Re: my life totally sucks

    Post  Psioncy on Wed Apr 23, 2014 11:31 am

    No actually, the problem is the opposite of what you just said. I wish I were exaggerating, but I'm not. And other human beings tend to be dismissive, which is why I give up on them.



    _________________
    "It's all part of the plan."
    "What is the plan?"
    "I kind of make the plan up as I go."
    "That's not really a plan then."
    "Okay, so it's not a plan. Look, I'm not good with plans."
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    Psioncy

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    Join date : 2010-05-02

    Re: my life totally sucks

    Post  Psioncy on Wed Apr 23, 2014 11:33 am

    Incidentally, the sleeping pills worked like a charm.  I only ended up drinking 5-6 bottles of hongjiu last night before passing out.

    Not nearly enough to send me to the gates of Hell again.

    Tonight will be a replay.

    So prepare to have about 56 new assholes ripped.


    _________________
    "It's all part of the plan."
    "What is the plan?"
    "I kind of make the plan up as I go."
    "That's not really a plan then."
    "Okay, so it's not a plan. Look, I'm not good with plans."
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    Psioncy

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    Join date : 2010-05-02

    Re: my life totally sucks

    Post  Psioncy on Wed Apr 23, 2014 11:27 pm

    Let's see how much alcohol I consume before the sleeping pills take me out.

    Hopefully it's not that much. I hate the cycle of drinking to postpone the aftereffects of the drinking. Cuz that's what got me into my last battle with the shitty weirdo after life trying to suck me in. It's so dirty and evil, but yet still so fascinating and beautiful. I have to strike it from my mind. Hell is really an extreme mix of the profane and the profound. Heaven I won't comment on cuz I have no clue, just what I study. Study and experience are two very different things.

    The audio hallucinations started again today. At the office i was hearing this fan, and all kind of music was coming out of it. Really beautiful stuff, like a huge chorus. It's very slow and melodic and beautiful what I hear. I've got an exhaust fan in my apartment, but I don't get music out of it. If the fridge comes on I might get some music, but it's being really quiet tonight.



    _________________
    "It's all part of the plan."
    "What is the plan?"
    "I kind of make the plan up as I go."
    "That's not really a plan then."
    "Okay, so it's not a plan. Look, I'm not good with plans."
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    Psioncy

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    Join date : 2010-05-02

    Re: my life totally sucks

    Post  Psioncy on Thu Apr 24, 2014 10:04 am

    Yeah from my posting times I can see that the sleeping pills knocked me out sometime around midnight.

    It looks like I only consumed about 600 ml of hongjiu, avoiding sever alcohol poisoning. My nerves are still kinda fkd up, but I'll recover enough to be functional for work tomorrow.

    Non-alcoholics can't understand what this is like. It's awful. I just woke up and feeling like shit with nerve pain all through my head and chest and neck, it's like a constant choking. There's about 300 ml of leftover liquor sitting here, and all I can think about is drinking it.

    When I leave work, I bike home and the whole world is liquor. Every store and restaurant along the way sells it. And I have to stop at the store too, at least one of them, to buy cigs or water or whatever. I see the liquor and in my head I'm screaming at myself "Don't, don't, don't!!!". Yet I do it anyway.

    Alcoholism is a disease of both the body and mind. There is an experiment with rats, where they had two dispensers, one with cocaine and one with food. The cocaine dispenser stopped distributing cocaine after a while, yet the rat kept pushing the button until he bloodied his nose and fell unconcioiuss. Upon waking up he started in again on the coke button, completely ingoring his needs for food and water, until he died.

    Cocaine and alcohol are very similar drugs. They both release dopamine into the brain, granted in different areas to different effects.

    So what happens is that base brain, medulla, registers the use of the substance as a reward. That's how your brain uses dopamine, to reward you for getting things you need. Food, water, sex.... that's why we enjoy these things. And also why we think about them. Our base brain is taking control our frontal brain, and making us seek back out these necessities.... and rewarding it with dopamine once they've been obtained. Alcohol and other drugs release dopamine, so what happens is that the medulla, which on its own does not possess much intelligence, notes the surge in dopamine when alcohol is used, and forces you to seek it back out again.

    Being intelligent is not helpful at all. Because the base brain has made you its bitch. The cerebreal cortex will do all the work rationalizing and tricking you into taking a drink, while the medulla, which is running the show, doesn't even know what the fuck is going on, cuz it's too stupid to. Hence... Addiction. It's a design error. And some of us have it much worse than others.



    _________________
    "It's all part of the plan."
    "What is the plan?"
    "I kind of make the plan up as I go."
    "That's not really a plan then."
    "Okay, so it's not a plan. Look, I'm not good with plans."
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    Psioncy

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    Join date : 2010-05-02

    Re: my life totally sucks

    Post  Psioncy on Thu Apr 24, 2014 10:17 am

    Fuck.  I'm sitting arguing with myself as to whether to pour out the leftover liquor or drink it.

    Pouring it out will absolutely be in my best interest, I will start recovering and tomorrow I will feel better than today.

    But even as I'm arguing, I already know what's gonna happen.  I'm gonna drink it.

    Medulla has already decided, so it's just a matter of time.  I give myself an hour, tops.

    I already slept about 7 hours on the sleeping pills.  I guess I could take more, but I'm just not sure they'll put me out.

    Should slow me down at least...  Maybe I need to take a larger dose.

    This is fucking insane, I'm taking drugs to manage my drinking.


    _________________
    "It's all part of the plan."
    "What is the plan?"
    "I kind of make the plan up as I go."
    "That's not really a plan then."
    "Okay, so it's not a plan. Look, I'm not good with plans."

    The Great Splendini

    Posts : 5167
    Join date : 2012-01-30

    Re: my life totally sucks

    Post  The Great Splendini on Thu Apr 24, 2014 4:29 pm

    sciency's not just having a bad hair day.

    he's having a bad hair LIFE.

    his whole fucking life's one long endless bad hair day.

    he needs a new hairstylist is what he fucking needs.

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    Psioncy

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    Join date : 2010-05-02

    Re: my life totally sucks

    Post  Psioncy on Fri Apr 25, 2014 2:33 pm

    I wisely poured out the bottle.

    Staying on the wagon attempt number who the fuck knows. I've totally lost count.

    I'm replaying GTA San Andreas for the fourth time or whatever. That helps.

    Mayhem and murder is very soothing to me for some reason.


    _________________
    "It's all part of the plan."
    "What is the plan?"
    "I kind of make the plan up as I go."
    "That's not really a plan then."
    "Okay, so it's not a plan. Look, I'm not good with plans."

      Current date/time is Thu Oct 19, 2017 12:25 am