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    The Great Splendini

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    fuckin baijiiu

    Post  The Great Splendini on Mon Sep 28, 2015 10:51 pm

    i've been rinsing my mouth with that shit.

    it fucking killed my taste buds.

    fuckin NASTY SHIT.

    thought it was gonna burn a hole through my mouth.

    how do people who drink this shit not die young?

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    Psioncy

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    Re: fuckin baijiiu

    Post  Psioncy on Tue Sep 29, 2015 2:56 am

    It's not nearly as awful as erguotou.  DO NOT DRINK FKN ERGUOTOU.  Not only will it reek havoc on your stomach, it will give you the nastiest hangover and you will not be able to get the rancid-corny taste of it out of your mouth the next day.

    I usually bought baijiu it in those little glass cups with metal lids for 1.5-2 kuai apiece.  Great way to drink on a budget.

    That stuff is so fragrant, if a party just opens baijiu in the same restaurant as I am in, I can smell it from six tables away.

    I find holding my nose as I slug down the entire cup to be the best way.  Then I reach for the water...

    On occasion it will come back up, usually if it's my first to third cup.  If this happens, just keep going.  Your stomach will eventually give up on trying to save you from the poison you are ingesting.

    After that it's all smooth sailing until I pass out in a ditch somewhere.


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    Psioncy

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    Re: fuckin baijiiu

    Post  Psioncy on Tue Sep 29, 2015 3:01 am

    I generally drank Jing Jiu, which is the brown the stuff in the small bottle you see everywhere.

    It's a yaojiu (medicinal liquor) infused with herbs.  And deer penis.

    I didn't realize the latter until I'd been drinking it for years, and by that point I'd been in China long enough that I no longer cared.

    Yep, deer penis.  That's the main selling point of the product.  Rolling Eyes

    It goes down better than the baijiu... more sippable.  But watch out.  The first time I tried it, I fkn lost my mind after three bottles and started ranting on about how fucked up china is in front of all the customers at the malatang place I was drinking at.  Couldn't remember it either, my GF had to tell me later about how nearly I came to getting my ass-kicked.

    That was early on and my tolerance has grown significantly, but still... you never know when you are gonna black out on that stuff.  With baijiu you can count on blacking out fairly soon -if you are doing it properly.

    The purpose of baijiu is to get drunk quickly, at least that's how the chinese use it.


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    "I kind of make the plan up as I go."
    "That's not really a plan then."
    "Okay, so it's not a plan. Look, I'm not good with plans."

    The Great Splendini

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    Re: fuckin baijiiu

    Post  The Great Splendini on Tue Sep 29, 2015 10:33 am

    sciency sucks deer dick?

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    Psioncy

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    Re: fuckin baijiiu

    Post  Psioncy on Tue Sep 29, 2015 3:04 pm

    It's China for pete's sake; they have dick restaurants.  There was one near me when I lived in Xicheng district.

    I met with this American dude a couple years back when I was looking for work, and he was doing all this high-end wheeling and dealing with his Chinese counterparts, who took him out to eat dick.  I fkn laughed at him, cuz those Chinese KNEW he is American and were just trying to see if they could get him to eat dick.  Which he did.  For money.

    Which I suppose is better than me.  I consumed dick regularly -just to get drunk.  

    Like the cheap whore that I am.  Embarassed


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    The Great Splendini

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    Re: fuckin baijiiu

    Post  The Great Splendini on Tue Sep 29, 2015 4:07 pm

    so sciency finally admits that he likes dick.

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    Psioncy

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    Re: fuckin baijiiu

    Post  Psioncy on Wed Sep 30, 2015 2:56 am

    Oh come on, it's dick extract.  Dick essense in liquid form!

    That's a *lot* different that putting an actual dick in your mouth.


    _________________
    "It's all part of the plan."
    "What is the plan?"
    "I kind of make the plan up as I go."
    "That's not really a plan then."
    "Okay, so it's not a plan. Look, I'm not good with plans."

    The Great Splendini

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    Re: fuckin baijiiu

    Post  The Great Splendini on Wed Sep 30, 2015 8:59 am

    but you fantasize about having dick in your mouth when you drink it, right?

    hey dude, you know WAY TOO FUCKING MUCH about cheap alcohol.

    it's scary.

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    Psioncy

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    Re: fuckin baijiiu

    Post  Psioncy on Wed Sep 30, 2015 12:48 pm

    It's not complicated at all.  Every Chinese hole-in-the-wall shop has the same three things:

    1. Baijiu



    This one is common in slummy mama and baba stores everywhere.  It's supercheap, like 1.5 - 2.5 kuai per cup.  40% alcohol content. The goji or wolfberry (?) is a like a red bean in the cup that makes it somehow more palatable than the other common baijiu that sells in the bottle with the bull on the label.  Whatever the fuck that one is called.  I strongly advise not drinking the Bull one.  The wolfberry one is cheaper and fresher.  Don't get me wrong, they will both make you black out and get violently ill, just the wolfberry one slightly less so.

    2.  Erguotou



    The little green bottle that is iconic on The Beijinger.  The green denotes DEADLY POISON.  I am a hardcore liquor drinker like nobody's bidness... and this stuff makes me puke on the first sip.  That's a blessing if you puke it up too.  You will have no worse toxic hangover from any other liquor than what this erguotou gives you. 2-3 kuai per bottle (?)  40% alcohol content.


    3.  Jingjiu

    This is the poor man's rich drink at shitty chaunr restaurants and dingy hutong shops.  It is 35% alcohol content and costs 9-10 kuai a bottle.  That's up from 6-7 circa 2008.  I think they changed the formula slightly since then too.  It's not quite as good as it used to be.   Jingjiu is much more sippable than the previous two, which should just be chugged as quickly as possible.  It's a brownish yaojiu infused with a variety of chinese herbs and has a sorta of musty/misty taste to it.  Oh yeah... and deer penis for virility.  




    So, given those limited options, you can see now why I generally went with the deer dick.


    _________________
    "It's all part of the plan."
    "What is the plan?"
    "I kind of make the plan up as I go."
    "That's not really a plan then."
    "Okay, so it's not a plan. Look, I'm not good with plans."
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    Psioncy

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    Re: fuckin baijiiu

    Post  Psioncy on Wed Sep 30, 2015 12:51 pm

    Wow, that posting was way too quality for this forum. Should've put it on The Beijinger, like a newbies guide to cheap-ass street liquor in Beijing.


    _________________
    "It's all part of the plan."
    "What is the plan?"
    "I kind of make the plan up as I go."
    "That's not really a plan then."
    "Okay, so it's not a plan. Look, I'm not good with plans."
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    Psioncy

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    Re: fuckin baijiiu

    Post  Psioncy on Wed Sep 30, 2015 1:03 pm

    Those pics are making me nostalgic.  Not that I should be drinking at all, I shouldn't.  But here.... here drinking just sucks.  There's only one liquor shop in town, so I just go with this cheap vodka.  There's a bar, but they cut you off after four drinks, and the drinks are expensive.  5 bucks for a black russian + tips.  In Beijing it was always more of an adventure.  I'd bike out to some hutong shop and buy that stuff, and start drinking it on the street or by houhai lake.  Or slug down a couple cups of baijiu or jingjiu before I went into a bar.  Hopefully I'd get home before I became totally wasted, which didn't take long drinking that stuff.  Seriously, just try drinking 3 cups of that baijiu or two bottles of the jingjiu.  You'll feel it coming on pretty strong and be well on your way to drunktown in half an hour.

    And you could buy this stuff any time day or night.  It's sold fucking everywhere.  4 AM, no problemo!  One block from my house.  7-11 even sells the jingjiu and RedStar vodka, etc.   Here it sucks.  The convenience store stops selling at 2 AM, the bar usually shuts down by midnight.  And drinking on the street only gets you in trouble with the cops.  No questionable chuanr, no late night bicyclists, no all night bars.  It's so fucking boring to drink here, it's not even worth it.  Also I don't think I'm allowed back in the one bar/liquor store in town.  I've been kicked out of there 3 times already by my own reckoning, which probably means 6.


    _________________
    "It's all part of the plan."
    "What is the plan?"
    "I kind of make the plan up as I go."
    "That's not really a plan then."
    "Okay, so it's not a plan. Look, I'm not good with plans."

    The Great Splendini

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    Re: fuckin baijiiu

    Post  The Great Splendini on Wed Sep 30, 2015 2:29 pm

    i was using ER GUO TOU as mouthwash.

    i didn't even try drinking it, but it was so god-awful i think it traumatized me for life.

    i like (good) alcohol.

    but i FEAR it.
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    Psioncy

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    Re: fuckin baijiiu

    Post  Psioncy on Wed Sep 30, 2015 4:00 pm

    Oh yeah that shit is truly awful.  Sometimes I'd stop by a store to get liquor and meet some old Chinese dude drinking that stuff and I'd ask him why?  Cuz he could be drinking baijiu which is just as cheap.  The answer is they *like* it, they actually prefer it over the baijiu.  Somehow, god only knows, they became accustomed to it.

    Now that said, I've had other forms of erguotou that came from those traditional clay jars with cloth over them which went down pretty nicely.  One bar I used to go to in Sanlitun would give it to me free between my other drinks.  They claimed it wasn't er-guotou, but SANguotou.. then the numbers kept rising until I was supposedly drinking SHI-guotou.  I don't remember much of nothing after that, ever.

    Anyway, not nearly as raunchy as that erguotou in the green bottle.  I remember the first time I tried it, maybe in 04-05, back before my drinking career had really started.  Back then I was still "married" and only went the bars a few times a year and never overdid it.  Anyway, I was walking down to Sanlitun and bought a bottle of erguotou from a roadside shop figuring it would give me a jump start on the bar drinking I was soon to get up to, plus I was just curious to try it.  I'd done baijiu and stuff before so I wasn't particularly concerned.  I opened it as I was approaching the bar street area, stood on the corner there and took a nice long haul off it, maybe half the bottle.  Then I at once proceeded to projectile vomit uncontrollably all over the sidewalk in view of all passer-by.  pale


    _________________
    "It's all part of the plan."
    "What is the plan?"
    "I kind of make the plan up as I go."
    "That's not really a plan then."
    "Okay, so it's not a plan. Look, I'm not good with plans."
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    Psioncy

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    Re: fuckin baijiiu

    Post  Psioncy on Sun Oct 04, 2015 4:17 pm

    You know what's really fucked up?

    I now prefer that cheap chinese liquor.  So much so I'm making that my reward.  Once I've got my degree and CELTA and am back in Beijing, I'm gonna partake.  AA keeps telling me I can never drink again, but I'm not so sure.  At any rate, that promise to myself may be enough to keep me abstaining in the meanwhile, which is more than AA provides.  

    I'm still doing the AA thing, I'm just not 100% buying it.  I mean, I agree that I have a serious problem with alcohol, but AA tells you are "diseased" and will forever be in recovery and the only thing that can save you is God.

    Then they talk with a lot of language that self-promotes the program of AA.  But from the statistics I've read online, AA actually has a very low success rate.  More alcoholics beat it on their own than through AA.  AA promotes this "disease" thing, so you're always sick and need the group til the day you die. It fosters dependence on AA is what it does. And then you can't argue it, not really, cuz they talk in bumper-stickers, and have one for every situation you can dream up.

    Then they tell you to find a "higher power," which can be whatever you need to it to be.  But everyone pretty much refers to it as God, as does the literature.  Then you say Christian prayers, like the Lord's Prayer at the end of the meeting.  So they pretend not to be religious, when in fact they are. That's pretty sneaky if you ask me.  

    That issue actually comes up in meetings and they say stuff like "Well, we don't want to scare off newcomers."  -by telling them what the program actually is: a theistic doctrine.

    I'll keep going for now, cuz I have a ton of shit to get done in the next six to eight months.  But once I'm back in Beijing.... it's gonna be deer dick time again.  Chuanr and baijiu, even fkn Erguotou.. whatever.  When I come back to Beijing, I am gonna in fine shape physically, mentally, and edumationally... to kick of ROUND TWO!  Hell, you can work there til you're 60-65, and I might just do that.  So for now, no drinking... WITH my promise to myself that I will be soon enough consuming all that cheap chinese hooch that I love. Hopefully Satans Kingdom can withstand me being sober for a year without completely falling apart.


    _________________
    "It's all part of the plan."
    "What is the plan?"
    "I kind of make the plan up as I go."
    "That's not really a plan then."
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    The Great Splendini

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    Re: fuckin baijiiu

    Post  The Great Splendini on Sun Oct 04, 2015 5:17 pm

    the only reason AA is free is because only christian groups can get the massive backing needed to keep it running for free.

    so you're planning to go to AA and continue drinking?

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    Psioncy

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    Re: fuckin baijiiu

    Post  Psioncy on Sun Oct 04, 2015 5:42 pm

    No, AA pays for itself.  They pass a donation basket just like church.  

    Pays for the coffee.  Some of it gets donated to the respective church for hosting the meeting.

    I'm going to AA, I'm just not totally sold.  I'm not gonna drink til I get back to China.  

    Once my shit is together, then I'll dabble with deviljuice again.  Until then, I'm not allowed.

    That has a two-fold benefit:  1.  It keeps me from drinking in the present  2. It gives me something to look forward to and motivates me to work towards my goals.

    Cuz if there's no drink at the end of it, I just won't care.  Which, in turn, will lead me to drink in the present.

    So I think this is pretty smart, what I'm doing.


    _________________
    "It's all part of the plan."
    "What is the plan?"
    "I kind of make the plan up as I go."
    "That's not really a plan then."
    "Okay, so it's not a plan. Look, I'm not good with plans."

    The Great Splendini

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    Re: fuckin baijiiu

    Post  The Great Splendini on Sun Oct 04, 2015 6:22 pm

    yeah, but you're underestimating chinese employers' abilities to get you to drink.

    with their insanity.

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    Psioncy

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    Re: fuckin baijiiu

    Post  Psioncy on Mon Oct 05, 2015 4:24 am

    Oh no, I know all about that.

    I'm planning to do a CELTA once I finish up with this degree. I might take one of the Cambridge programs in Beijing, if I can find the money for it. Those are intensive programs that take a month and cost like $2000 + airfare.  After that, I'll be about as well qualified as they can expect to find in China, and will command a higher salary.  I may even be able to find work with a western managed school with those qualifications.

    The way I figure it is, if i'm making more money, I can tolerate more bullshit.  It's when I'm tolerating endless lies and bullshit for peanuts I end up drinking over it.

    I totally know what to expect with any job in Beijing.  I've got a PHD in Chinky Bullshit.


    _________________
    "It's all part of the plan."
    "What is the plan?"
    "I kind of make the plan up as I go."
    "That's not really a plan then."
    "Okay, so it's not a plan. Look, I'm not good with plans."
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    Psioncy

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    Re: fuckin baijiiu

    Post  Psioncy on Mon Oct 05, 2015 4:40 am

    The AA people don't agree with me, but the way I figure it is that establishing PURPOSE in my life is the way out of my alcoholism.

    My first divorce landed me in a tent, and working a grueling a job for peanuts just so I could stay near my daughter and see her every other weekend.

    And I didn't turn to the bottle.

    My second marriage was a total scam.  When Little Miss Green card up and left me in Beijing, never to return, I went way off the deep end.  I started drinking and womanizing because... why not?  I had never imagined I could live that way, like a fkn rock star.  And it was pretty awesome for a while.  By 2011-12 though it really started going downhill and the alcoholism had mostly taken over.

    I had no purpose in life.  All I'd invested myself in had been stripped away from me, twice.  I didn't see the point in having purpose any more.  My only purposes were getting laid and drunk, and getting my bills  paid so I could do those things.

    Coming back to the US has helped me rediscover purpose.  I used to think marriage and family were the purpose of life, but I no longer think that way.  I can afford to be selfish now, which is in many ways a blessing.  But I still need purpose.

    I've started my writing career.  I'm continuing my education.  I'm working on my health.  These are all things that will bear fruit in the long-term.

    I'm establishing purpose once more.  Does that mean drinking and getting laid are out of the question?  Absolutely not!  They just can't be my purpose in life any longer.  By redefining my paradigm and working toward it, I can see a future again.

    Futurelessness is the cause of my alcoholism -not some "disease" that only God can cure.


    _________________
    "It's all part of the plan."
    "What is the plan?"
    "I kind of make the plan up as I go."
    "That's not really a plan then."
    "Okay, so it's not a plan. Look, I'm not good with plans."

    The Great Splendini

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    Re: fuckin baijiiu

    Post  The Great Splendini on Mon Oct 05, 2015 8:20 am

    you've been divorced twice? ha ha

    i have no purpose either, but i'm afraid of ending up in a ditch so i avoid drinking.

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    Psioncy

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    Re: fuckin baijiiu

    Post  Psioncy on Mon Oct 05, 2015 8:45 am

    Oh no, I'm still married to that bitch.

    I reported her to the ICE for immigration fraud this week.


    _________________
    "It's all part of the plan."
    "What is the plan?"
    "I kind of make the plan up as I go."
    "That's not really a plan then."
    "Okay, so it's not a plan. Look, I'm not good with plans."

    The Great Splendini

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    Re: fuckin baijiiu

    Post  The Great Splendini on Mon Oct 05, 2015 1:52 pm

    what?
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    Psioncy

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    Re: fuckin baijiiu

    Post  Psioncy on Tue Oct 06, 2015 6:47 pm

    Yeah, fuck her.  It's a felony under Federal law, and she's guilty as sin.

    I gave her every chance to rectify things, but she's too selfish to even do herself any good in the matter.  So fuck it, we do it this way.

    It's not painful for me.  I'm way past that.  But for her, it's gonna be excruciating.

    First I come at her with the criminal charges, then I hit her with the civil stuff.  All by the numbers, and I don't even care about the outcome.  The pain of the process is all the outcome I'm after.

    Though if I ended up with her assets in the US, that would be cool too  farao


    _________________
    "It's all part of the plan."
    "What is the plan?"
    "I kind of make the plan up as I go."
    "That's not really a plan then."
    "Okay, so it's not a plan. Look, I'm not good with plans."

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