The Redawnening


    Still alive, dude?

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    The Angel of God

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    Still alive, dude?

    Post  The Angel of God on Sat Jan 07, 2017 4:42 pm

    You were posting drunk for like 48 hours. Last we heard, you'd just bought three more bottles of Yagermeister.

    There are simply bodily limits to how long one can Go Hard like that.

    I know our millions of readers are concerned, so send us a "still breathing" message once you've slept it off.


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    RobertBlack

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    Re: Still alive, dude?

    Post  RobertBlack on Sat Jan 07, 2017 5:08 pm

    Thanks for the concern.

    Yes, I am OK, didn't get through much more of the Jager, then passed out.

    Got the mean reds, nasty hangover, depression.

    Slowly recovering.

    The things we do.


    RobertBlack

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    Re: Still alive, dude?

    Post  RobertBlack on Sat Jan 07, 2017 5:17 pm

    And another 40 Euros tipped down the toilet.

    The Angel of God

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    Re: Still alive, dude?

    Post  The Angel of God on Sat Jan 07, 2017 5:33 pm

    Yep. I know the feeling. The longer the bender the longer the recovery. It can be downright debilitating. I get severe hallucinations too, auditory and visual. Drink water and sleep if you can.

    I'm trying to avoid all that. Sober now... oh only three days. Not so impressive, but it's a start.


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    Re: Still alive, dude?

    Post  The Angel of God on Sat Jan 07, 2017 5:38 pm

    RobertBlack wrote:And another 40 Euros tipped down the toilet.

    A bottle of booze costs the same as my hotel for the day, but a bottle ain't enough, so then I'm spending 4-5 times that sloshed at a bar afterhours.  Fkn stupid waste of money, really.  

    I'm feeling good before the first bottle is finished, but it doesn't matter. My brain just thinks "get more, get more!"  Then I black out and everything goes to shit and I'm out a bunch of money.

    Then if there's leftover liquor, like you have, I'll wake up the next day and be like "fuck it, I can't deal with recovering right now" and drink again, which just makes it worse obviously.

    Vicious stuff, alcohol.  Probably my worst enemy... as well as my best friend.  But really, what kind of shitty friend is that?


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    Re: Still alive, dude?

    Post  The Angel of God on Sat Jan 07, 2017 5:46 pm

    I don't want to have it be known in the afterlife (or this world if there isn't one) that I was defeated and killed by a molecule.  A mindless, microscopic thing.  



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    Re: Still alive, dude?

    Post  RobertBlack on Sat Jan 07, 2017 7:15 pm

    And sitting somewhere in a dark corner, Poop Scoops is having a snigger.

    RobertBlack

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    Re: Still alive, dude?

    Post  RobertBlack on Sat Jan 07, 2017 11:31 pm

    Yeah, I always say never again, but I bet in ten days time I will be drinking agin.

    It sucks to have such a vice-like addiction gripping your life like a limpet on a ship.

    The Angel of God

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    Re: Still alive, dude?

    Post  The Angel of God on Sun Jan 08, 2017 5:50 pm

    People who don't have it don't understand it.  Prior to ten years ago, I didn't.  Sure I used to get drunk -but only maybe three times a year.  I was not obsessed with it; addiction had not taken hold.

    Like you, I'm worried I will drink again regardless of how bad last (or any time was.)  Because it lays in waiting, waiting for my moment of weakness.  It tells me "you need to have some fun" and "it'll be ok this time, just don't drink too much, stick to beer" or any other myriad of lies to get me to relent on my abstinence, which *is* based on rationality.  

    I'm recovering from my last one.  The fog is clearing and feeling like a human being again.  That's when I'm in the most danger.  As soon as I feel good, I want to take it to the next level.  I don't necessarily drink from depression.  I drink from addiction.  Feeling great, feeling awful, feeling stressed, feeling secure... it matters little.  I will still drink at the first opportunity to do so.

    People who don't understand it are incredibly unhelpful.  They'll blame you or tell you "just don't drink so much."  I know because 11 years ago, I was one of them.  Now, on the other side of it, I get it.  Addiction means something is beyond one's control.  I've been quitting drinking for as long as I've been drinking.  My only successful run at sobriety was being couped away at rural house in Maine with no car or access to a store.  And even then I was thinking about it all the time... waiting to get that opportunity.  I always think it's gonna be something great, and it always turns into something godawful shitty.  My lying brain just forgets and resets for some reason.

    I'm quite an honest person, except when it comes to myself and alcohol.  I'm being honest now, but once that demon takes over, I'll lie relentlessly to myself until that bottle is in my hand.  Sometimes I go to the store just to buy water and smokes and walk out with liquor.  That m'fkr was planning it whole time.  Sometimes my feet are walking to a liquor store or bar and my mind is yelling at them to stop, but they never do.  

    Yeah, it's a truly awful thing.  I'm still trying to beat it, failure after failure after failure.  I have to.  Giving up is guaranteed death.


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    Re: Still alive, dude?

    Post  The Angel of God on Sun Jan 08, 2017 6:03 pm

    In AA they say, "I take a drink.  Then the drink takes a drink."  There's no such thing as moderation once you cross the threshold.  

    If I could moderate it, it would be fun again, like it used to be.  But that's not how it works anymore.  It turns everything to shit, every time.  Moderation is pure theory at this point, and reality shows me incontrovertible evidence against it working.  That evidence is what happens every single time I drink.

    It doesn't matter that 11 years ago I was able to moderate myself.  I can't now and will never be able to again.

    It is *not* a lack of discipline as most non-alkies believe.  They haven't crossed the threshold, so they just don't know.  It's as deeply rooted and complex as it is elegantly simple:  don't drink.

    Yet I fail again and again at simply not doing something.  Discipline is not the problem, I have a solid and steadfast mind, like a fortress.  A fortress surrounded by a mote of vodka.


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    Re: Still alive, dude?

    Post  The Angel of God on Sun Jan 08, 2017 6:22 pm

    Weirdly enough, I've broken my coffee addiction. I still drink it sometimes, but I also go many days without it.

    Alcohol is a much tougher enemy than caffeine though, by many orders of magnitude. Caffeine doesn't have nearly the same dopamine release as ethanol. Cocaine addiction and alcohol are nearly identical in how they function. High dopamine release triggers the reward center in the medulla to re-seek it like instinct. The higher the dopamine release, the higher the reward is interpreted. This makes cocaine and alcohol a higher level reward than anything else: sex, love, money, accomplishment...


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    Re: Still alive, dude?

    Post  eggraid on Sun Jan 08, 2017 8:21 pm

    Im surprised im even alive.
    Nearly got robbed by two morrocan negroes, who ran away when i went frenzy and started head-butting him in the face, shouting, screaming, calling them niggers and all that stuff.

    Then i bought too much cocaine. Made friends with some local dude, who had ths kickboxing club. He took me to all these weird places. He knew shitloads of people, weird people. Anyway, he dumped me off later that night at some place that seemed an ex-stripclub: "stay here untill noon, too dangerous for you to walk home now". So stayed there and hooked up with these two argentinean girls & did coke all night.

    Then there was this norwegian guy who tried to pick a fight but nearly shot his pants when he saw i was with local thug/dealer/boxer. F---ing norweigian! If he wad friendly i might have bought him a glass of milk!

    Im lucky im still alive. I completely agree with you guys on getting drunk indoors. That coke makes you cocky as hell too

    Anyway. Crazy

    eggraid

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    Re: Still alive, dude?

    Post  eggraid on Sun Jan 08, 2017 8:22 pm

    Think i threw away 100 euros worth of coke before i left. Dont think i ever owned too much coke before.

    Definately a memorable vacation. now it's back to safery and the normal routines.

    The Angel of God

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    Re: Still alive, dude?

    Post  The Angel of God on Sun Jan 08, 2017 9:10 pm

    Sounds insane, dude!  I don't like being anywhere that dangerous.  I think I'll skip Barcelona if it's that bad now.

    Pouring out liquor is one thing, but throwing out coke?  That's travesty!  I've never, ever done that.

    I can't imagine how much you must have had to not go through it all, lol!

    Good job with the racism.  That's what happens when you are somewhere with a lot of blacks and they're doing shit like that... you just can't find any other word to use in those circumstances.  Nigger.  That's it.  That's all you can say that really expresses what you are observing.  I would never call a black person a nigger... unless they're fkn being one.

    Africans don't care anyway.  It's just westernized blacks that get offended with the term.  If you call an African a nigger they'll just be confused like, "Yeah, I know. That's what I am I'm a nigger. What's your point?"

    Well, it'll probably come out more like "Booboo dooby.  Me-ga nigger-noody.  Abba deeba dooboo dabba?" but essentially that's what they're trying to convey.


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    Re: Still alive, dude?

    Post  The Angel of God on Sun Jan 08, 2017 9:25 pm

    That's one thing about Asia, be it China or here. They sell drugs and whatever, but they're always outnumbered under the domain of a local mob boss and police (same dif in most cases) with eyes on them. Thus they don't tend to get so stabby and stuff.


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    Re: Still alive, dude?

    Post  The Angel of God on Sun Jan 08, 2017 11:23 pm

    Hey man, I totally predicted you be would inhaling nose-candy like no tomorrow in Barcelona on another thread.  Was I right or was I totally right?

    In truth I'm jealous.  HOW COULD YOU THROW AWAY PERFECTLY GOOD COCAINE?  Wtf is wrong with you?????

    Ever hear of rescheduling a flight?  Tell your company you got held up for some reason and FINISH THE COCAINE.  FFS, get your priorities straight man!


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    Re: Still alive, dude?

    Post  eggraid on Mon Jan 09, 2017 2:14 am

    No way im letting drugs interfere with work. That's first sign of addiction. I see it like this: i took out 100+ euro from an atm and lost it. So i have 100+ euro less at my disposal. Didnt hurt my economy too much and i still have money to put away for summer. Life goes on. Im going to a different cocaine-friendly location this summer anyway.

    Barcelona is def worth a visit. Probably the best city for parties Europe... its also the city where they import cocaine from s-america.


    eggraid

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    Re: Still alive, dude?

    Post  eggraid on Mon Jan 09, 2017 2:18 am

    Dont learn how to get coke or any other drugs in asia. Thats dangerous, especially chemical drugs. Dont learn how to get drugs near where you live either, once you get involved in that environment, its gonna fuck you up. Stick with beers.

    The Angel of God

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    Re: Still alive, dude?

    Post  The Angel of God on Mon Jan 09, 2017 3:49 am

    Give me your cocaine you SOB or I will literally murder you!

    You never, never, NEVER throw away cocaine.

    That's the first rule of cocaine club!


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    Re: Still alive, dude?

    Post  The Angel of God on Mon Jan 09, 2017 3:51 am

    You should have given the cocaine to me.

    But no, you threw it in the garbage just to spite me.

    You are Unforgiven.  I'm gonna sic Clint Eastwood on your sorry ass!



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    Re: Still alive, dude?

    Post  The Angel of God on Mon Jan 09, 2017 4:06 am

    Ok. You want to go right now?

    I said NOW!


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    Re: Still alive, dude?

    Post  The Angel of God on Mon Jan 09, 2017 4:06 am

    Do you have a listening comprehension problem, bjork?


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    Re: Still alive, dude?

    Post  The Angel of God on Mon Jan 09, 2017 4:09 am

    You *will* go back to Barcelona, retrieve the cocaine, and give it to me.

    Otherwise you are a dead man.

    Capice?


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    Re: Still alive, dude?

    Post  The Angel of God on Mon Jan 09, 2017 4:16 am

    I *want* the fkn COCAINE now.

    I will shoot you in the fkn head.

    Give it over!


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    Re: Still alive, dude?

    Post  The Angel of God on Mon Jan 09, 2017 4:18 am

    You think I'm playing games, bjork?

    Let's just find out.

    How many Reindeer does Santa have, huh?

    Oh, you forgot to include Rudolpho, the Hiteresque Reindeer.

    Big fkn mistake on your part!

    THAT COKE IS MINE!

    Just hand me the coke, that's all we ever need to see of each other. I won't mention it on the board.

    All I want is the coke and, yes, I am willing to kill over it.


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