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    Predicting Sciency’s next binge.

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    RobertBlack

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    Re: Predicting Sciency’s next binge.

    Post  RobertBlack on Thu Mar 23, 2017 2:28 am

    But cum, let us face facts, you just stalked me online and got a mod warning.

    And by your own admission you are banned from all other forums.

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    The Angel of God

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    Re: Predicting Sciency’s next binge.

    Post  The Angel of God on Thu Mar 23, 2017 2:02 pm

    I remember him saying he was banned from a bunch of conspiracy theory forums, cuz he had massive conspiracy theories about the conspiracy theories. It's essentially a massive conspiracy of the conspiracies themselves. He also thinks the Earth is flat and the Queen is a lizard person. Razz

    And, let's not forget, TBJ. Although I that was more political than anything. He did really do anything to deserve a banning besides argue with some poods. Silky got banned the same way, just arguing with the twats. You and UFC got banned for more obvious reasons, though they were stalking you too. Why they've never banned me is a mystery that will never be solved. I've written the most ridiculous shit on there, all shitfaced like I do here.

    I need to learn to write really ridiculous stuff sober. I can but when with drink in you it just comes out in a way it can't sober. Too much and I'm just writing total nonsense, but right at that sweet spot the flames really fly.

    That's what bad about drink too. Well, *another* bad thing about it. I get this massive attitude on it, yet it's really dumbed me down. So I'm saying the stupidest shit I can all the while thinking I know it all and I'm teaching everyone some big important lesson. But it's just bullshit at that point. It's pure attitude and no substance.



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    The Angel of God

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    Re: Predicting Sciency’s next binge.

    Post  The Angel of God on Wed Mar 29, 2017 10:03 am

    Fuuuuuuck me.

    I think I'm at the end of the line this time. Two days just gone. It totally spilled over into work, which I didn't for two days,probably meaning I've lost my job. Which is fair enough if I'm doing shit like this.

    I'm constantly struggling to survive and getting robbed and wiped out of any tiny progress I make.

    What's the point in living if it's just struggle and hardship? I don't have the most basic things in place in my life and I can't get them either. No matter my efforts, I'm left with nothing.

    The only women I meet are whore-thieves.

    I love my Filipina GF from years back, still madly. But she won't reply on FB. And even if she did it wouldn't matter. The last time we talked she scammed money from me.

    I had the Japanese GF but all her words were lies stringing me along for years. None of it was ever real.

    Something must be real. Other people find things that are real, but not me. All I get are these elaborate lies that leave me with nothing. The world is so shitty awful. I hate it.







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    The Angel of God

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    Re: Predicting Sciency’s next binge.

    Post  The Angel of God on Wed Mar 29, 2017 2:05 pm

    God help me. This is soooo fucking awful.

    I'm just hopeless. I picked up the bottle Sunday night and couldn't stop drinking for work for the next two days. I completely blew it off. I didn't miss one day, I missed f-ing two.

    It's the stress. I'm snapping from the stress. Doing it all on my own all the f-ing time is brutal. Years and years and years of this.

    Where does the alcohol take me next? I'm fucking scared.

    If I can get back to the US. I don't know now with the penalties how much money I'll get this month. I think I'll just have to buy a ticket with it if it's enough.

    It would be nice to have decent food again. And a clean environment. I don't know what I'll do though cuz there's no work there and the internet sucks too much to hold down an online job.

    I need money.

    I still think about the cabin. There's a piece of land in Florida I could have but it's out of the way so I'd need a car too. So already it's dead in the water. House? Car? Who am I kidding?

    I don't even have money for food today. I have to use it for drinking water. Drinking water is not a choice, have to buy it. Three liters a day minimum.

    Maybe tomorrow I will get my hands on some money, but it won't be enough. Then I don't know my pay to afford the visa run at the end of the month. And I would need to find a new job. I guess part of me is still thinking I've got a shot at remaining here. Here is a clusterfuck though. My money would go further in the States than here. Here it just flies away, stolen, or spent on booze.

    Even if I could stay here, I'm still going to have the drinking problem. In the US I would have a better chance of staying sober. Here I just can't escape it. I can hold out a few days, but every week at least it's going to happen.

    Fuck it. I can't get it all figured out today. Too many unknowns still.

    I don't even know if I'm working tonight. I guess I'll go on to work and work unless they tell me not to. I don't blame them at all for canning me. I missed two days of work with no notice. Fuck. I wish I still had the job, but I gotta face it that I don't.

    I have to quit drinking, otherwise I'm never gonna get anything else in order.

    The alcohol is crippling my life.


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    eggraid

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    Re: Predicting Sciency’s next binge.

    Post  eggraid on Wed Mar 29, 2017 2:47 pm

    Cats dont lie
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    RobertBlack

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    Re: Predicting Sciency’s next binge.

    Post  RobertBlack on Wed Mar 29, 2017 3:37 pm

    I told you.

    And poof, hey presto we are back to the pathetic remorseful stage.

    Rolling Eyes Razz

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    The Angel of God

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    Re: Predicting Sciency’s next binge.

    Post  The Angel of God on Wed Mar 29, 2017 4:29 pm

    Why did I ever start drinking? You know when you knew me I was a non-drinker. Maybe three times a year or the like. I didn't even occur to me buy liquor when I went in the store.

    Now I can't stop myself from swilling hooch for the life of me.

    I think maybe I'm gonna look for work in Indonesia or one of these places where alcohol is banned.

    I'm desperate to get this under control.

    It's not the remorseful stage that's the problem, it's stress. When I get stressed or excited my mind immediately sets to work on getting alcohol. That's part of my problem is I just get way too fucking excited and fail to think clearly.

    I remember this morning waking up and realizing how much I fucked up. No money, filthy, no job.. but I still had some liquor left. I was quite happy to find that. Everything is fucked but I have liquor.

    Well that's long gone now and I can't afford more. Probably for the best.





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    RobertBlack

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    Re: Predicting Sciency’s next binge.

    Post  RobertBlack on Wed Mar 29, 2017 5:28 pm

    You have lost your ability to control it and sustain a life anywhere.

    I have managed to cut mine down to two dayers.

    That would be a good start for you.

    The problem is you go out.

    For many periods in China I never went out.

    Indonesia is a Muslim country, with your habits and mouth you be killed there, for sure.
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    RobertBlack

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    Re: Predicting Sciency’s next binge.

    Post  RobertBlack on Wed Mar 29, 2017 5:32 pm

    My only last thing to stop is abusing my good mates online.

    When i fuck up I don't expect any sympathy from them, or anyone else.

    Don't expect any from us.

    It seems you do, but there is something wrong with that for a start.

    You are in denial about a huge side of you.

    Like two people.

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    RobertBlack

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    Re: Predicting Sciency’s next binge.

    Post  RobertBlack on Wed Mar 29, 2017 6:04 pm

    Drinking is a heightened blessed state, it will always have a price, if you don't control it, the price will be high.




    eggraid

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    Re: Predicting Sciency’s next binge.

    Post  eggraid on Wed Mar 29, 2017 6:30 pm

    Whatever shit there is boredom, loss, regret. Whatrver. You need to fix. You cant overcome addiction by pure willpower.
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    The Angel of God

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    Re: Predicting Sciency’s next binge.

    Post  The Angel of God on Wed Mar 29, 2017 7:31 pm

    I can't fix it. I can't get the most basic things in place. I mean I agree with you in theory and that's been what I've tried for years to do, but chaos follows me, drinking or not.

    Or just a bunch of nothing.

    If I go back to the US that's all it'll be. But I have managed to sustain myself 8 months here, in party central. That wasn't my plan, but it's how things ended up.

    I need to reset. Go back to the US and try to find some kind of job, save up and get out again.


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    The Angel of God

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    Re: Predicting Sciency’s next binge.

    Post  The Angel of God on Wed Mar 29, 2017 7:37 pm

    eggraid wrote:Whatever shit there is boredom, loss, regret. Whatrver. You need to fix. You cant overcome addiction by pure willpower.

    Willpower doesn't do it.  It's right there waiting for a moment of weakness, and I get stressed and my vigillance is going to falter at least once a week, which is all it takes. I never more than minute or two away from liquor.

    I mean, you guys both has issues with it too.  Particularly RB.  

    You sound like you're doing better with it.  I guess it does have a lot to do with lifestyle and thinking.  In Beijing I got off the sauce for six months once.  I was bored, sure, but I was living healthier, and dating... I even turned down girls who insisted on getting a drink.

    Changing my environment will help.  This place is ridiculous.  It's all about drinking everywhere all the time.


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    The Angel of God

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    Re: Predicting Sciency’s next binge.

    Post  The Angel of God on Wed Mar 29, 2017 7:46 pm

    RobertBlack wrote:

    Indonesia is a Muslim country, with your habits and mouth you be killed there, for sure.

    Nah, I'd do fine there. I lived in Egypt without any problems.

    I like the idea of alcohol being illegal. That would really help.

    I know you wanna call me a big pussy and tell me to control it. But do you think you're not in denial? It's "under control" with two day benders? Bendering at all out of control.

    I do go out. I've had benders sitting in my home, posting here, or whatever. I find it sad.

    I don't think binge drinking alone in your house is some great solution.

    Not that going out is smart either. Sometimes I do have fun. Othertimes I don't know if I had fun or not cuz I can't remember squat.


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    RobertBlack

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    Re: Predicting Sciency’s next binge.

    Post  RobertBlack on Wed Mar 29, 2017 7:59 pm

    I enjoyed my last two dayers.

    And I did not fuck up anything important in my life.

    Change the rules on what controls you, and you will change the rules on what you can control.

    I will enjoy the next ones too.

    Right now I have ten days of writing, sobriety, good food, running, and meditating. And surfing watching.

    You had it under control there for a while too.

    For a while there I was jealous of you.

    You just let it get the better of you.







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    RobertBlack

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    Re: Predicting Sciency’s next binge.

    Post  RobertBlack on Wed Mar 29, 2017 8:01 pm

    I think you hve the ability to get it back under control, your life.

    A BIG part of your problem is you NEVER listen to anyone, only your other self.



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    RobertBlack

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    Re: Predicting Sciency’s next binge.

    Post  RobertBlack on Wed Mar 29, 2017 8:07 pm

    Environment is important sure. But the biggest part is your own choices.

    Does my mate who has had to drop booze totally due to health miss the booze, fuck yeah.

    Do I miss not drinking today, fuck yeah.

    But we all have to make choices, ourselves.
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    RobertBlack

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    Re: Predicting Sciency’s next binge.

    Post  RobertBlack on Wed Mar 29, 2017 8:09 pm

    You are just kidding yourslef if you think you can move to Muslim country and not drink.

    But hey, go ahead, more interesting stories.

    I even hated Bali.




    eggraid

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    Re: Predicting Sciency’s next binge.

    Post  eggraid on Wed Mar 29, 2017 8:18 pm

    I drink about 5 beers/week. Drank much more last spring but has seriously cut down on it as i began to see warning signs. Now i meet people througg the gym and by training jiujutsu, which is even more awesome because most martial arts / fighting centers here are non-profit so everyones really into it.

    The big advantage of the west is that it's easier to find things that doesnt involve alcohol.
    I suppose you could find a gym in bagkok where westerners with a healthy lifestyle hangout.

    For me, its just easier to find people i like here.

    You could closer to the sea maybe pick up fishing, scuba diving, snorkling, surfing, sailing and meet people that wat
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    The Angel of God

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    Re: Predicting Sciency’s next binge.

    Post  The Angel of God on Wed Mar 29, 2017 10:59 pm

    Five beers a week? I'm swilling down bottle after bottle of liquor. Five beers seems reasonable. Except I'm not capable of that.

    I still disagree with you, RB. You think it's about choices, but for me it's all been fate. Factors beyond my control entirely plotting my course and generally making everything shitty and difficult.

    Sure, if hadn't picked up on Sunday I would still have money and a job right now, but this was overdue.

    Being somewhere where there's no alcohol does help, at least it helps me. In Maine I didn't drink cuz I didn't have a car and couldn't get to it.

    I think it's funny you were jealous. I don't do jealously so I can't relate to it sometimes. There's no reason you couldn't do what I did. But it's really been sucky overall. I think you're right, Taiwan is probably a far better choice.

    Who knows? I may still nail something else down and stay here.


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    RobertBlack

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    Re: Predicting Sciency’s next binge.

    Post  RobertBlack on Thu Mar 30, 2017 1:12 am

    There is an element of fate in everyone's life.

    Luck, karma, but meditation and fitness has taught me over the years, that you can really make an impact on increasing your potential.

    Scientologists also talk about it, Christians of course.

    You are still trying to shift blame anywhere except to admit fault yourself.

    This time it is fate and rotten luck.

    You know why you started drinking, becauce your marriage broke up, but like I say to my sister no one forced you to marry that cunt, it was your fuck up.

    She actually agrees with that now, but it took a while.

    You are more of a brick wall, you don't have the ability at all to self-deprecate.

    It is a sign of insecurity.

    I can readily say things like I am a lazy cunt.

    I am a selfish cunt.

    You don't have that ability.

    But you do have a strong work ethic, and at times a moral ethic.

    You just need to cut back, that is all.

    When I was a lawyer in my so called hey day (not by me), or in London, I caned every Friday and Saturday night.

    Now I can choose which two nights I cane.

    And I am slowly getting fit again.

    So, to me there is no difference, except now I live my life freely, not bound by slavery.

    You will never see it that way, though.

    You don't get that.

    We are very different.

    Doesn't mean I am better than you.

    I am just much older and wiser.
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    The Angel of God

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    Re: Predicting Sciency’s next binge.

    Post  The Angel of God on Thu Mar 30, 2017 8:11 am

    We do see things very differently.  I'm not pretending like I can control it or cut back.  I know better.

    I don't see it terms of "shifting blame."  I am truly faced with ridiculous circumstances in my life.  It's not about "blame."  You keep following this theme of telling me to blame myself or own up or whatever.   I'm not anywhere in that realm.  The blame is as pointless as the rest of it.  You think I'm not listening to you, but really I'm just not going back in a circle I've been around a thousand times before.

    It's fine.  We have a different outlook and there's nothing wrong with that. Different experiences and different circumstances, and me being more intimate with my life and you with yours means we derive different lessons from it.  I definitely don't fall for the logic of everyone's life being the same.  That's why advice is so useless, generally speaking.  And the haughtier it comes, the worse it usually is.

    In my view, the biggest mistake of my youth was accepting responsibility and/or blame.  Because what happens is people latch onto that and give you no end of it, while deflecting all of theirs. (Or at least this is what happens to me.) So I do blame others where they're due it, and I don't take it where I'm not.  Not that it means much, it doesn't.  I just refuse to aid them in hiding behind their lies, because it's important to my way of thinking to acknowledge the truth of things, whether it makes me an asshole, someone else an asshole, or everyone a fkn asshole.

    My biggest problem here has been security.  If I had it to do over, which I might yet still, I would definitely get an apartment straight off the bat in an area safer than this one.  I can't afford that and the visa run now.  I got stuck in a cycle with the cheap hotel and working every single day so I couldn't get much else done.  Plus I don't have a job now and I have no idea how much they're going to pay me for this month.  Finding work is a bitch, so I need to simultaneously plan in two directions.  Looking for work and planning a return home later this month.  I should go back anyway.  I have elderly/ill family members.


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    The Angel of God

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    Re: Predicting Sciency’s next binge.

    Post  The Angel of God on Fri Mar 31, 2017 10:42 am

    Fucking sucks not have money for food and water. I have some cash now, finally, after three days.

    Bought a little more Thai liquor, why not at this point?

    I've got a slim chance of figuring this out and staying here, but no matter what I'm not staying here here. I've had cash stolen from my security box in the lobby twice, and the owner is acting all pissy with me, which makes me think theirs something fishy. I picked this place over the last cuz it seemed less sleazy, but in a way it's worse.

    The hotel staff wouldn't give me a fkn bedsheet for nearly three weeks. A bedsheet. Then my chair broke, a really old shitty chair, and they said "you broke the the chair." I was like "yeah, by sitting in it for months." It's all so old and ratty. I can get better and cheaper in fact, and staff that actually accommodates the basic needs of the guests.


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    The Angel of God

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    Re: Predicting Sciency’s next binge.

    Post  The Angel of God on Fri Mar 31, 2017 4:23 pm

    You know what.  I'm *tired* of m'fking internet assholes pretending like like they know something.

    You don't.

    You know notice how all my sentences are beginning with "you" not "I."?

    I have good syntax is why.  Try reading a grammar book, cunts.

    And start thinking about about someone else for a change.  For starters, me.

    You selfish cunts.  I will never forgive you.

    Let me tell you what I wish for (and you will probably get):

    You devour your own flesh in the dankest creviced cages in Hell, alone not knowing what's going on.

    That's what I hope for RB and Eggraid.

    I do have some connections. fishing

    But really, I don't want to bother them with such trivial matters.  Let's just make it simple.

    You.  Dank stark pit of Hell.  It's even cold and you should be grateful for that, cept it's wet.

    And you have to eat yourself in total confusion, for not just nutrition but hydration.


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    The Angel of God

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    Re: Predicting Sciency’s next binge.

    Post  The Angel of God on Fri Mar 31, 2017 4:31 pm

    I need three liters of water a day. You think that doesn't cost money?

    Also as a a living organism I need food.

    Where is all my money?



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