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    There's nothing fkn "miraculous" about Miracle Whip

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    Psioncy

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    There's nothing fkn "miraculous" about Miracle Whip

    Post  Psioncy on Thu Feb 07, 2013 3:52 am

    So I bike off today back to my ol' stomping ground in Xinfuercun to pick up some goodies at (R)April Gourmet. I'm thinking something quick and satisfying, and that means salami sandwiches. Imported milano salami, provolone cheese....

    Now I'm usually more of a red wine vinegarette salami sandwich eater, but I've got this hankering for mayo so I decide to go with that.

    The "imported" mayonnaise sells in the small squeeze for 33 RMB, and at first glance appears to be Hellman's or Kraft, but upon closer inspection I see it's all "Magic Time". Which I think is an asian-produced brand that they try to disguise as imported, or just a really shitty brand that they try to pawn off for top brand prices. There's no reliable brand name mayonnaise on the shelf. But another item catches my eye "Heinz Salad Cream" for 50 kuai, nestled amongst the fake ass products. I'd never heard of it before so I checked the label, which touts it as "pourable sunshine", which has a nice ring to it I feel. The ingredients include egg yolks, oil, and mustard -which as I recall is how mayonaise is made, yeah? It must be mayonnaise right? Is there a fake mayonaisse, like something that looks like mayonnaise and is used as mayonnaise but is not mayonnaise? Is there? I haven't been in the western world for so long I've forgotten. What's that stuff, margarine? NO, that's fake butter, silly. Just buy it.

    Fast Forward back to my apartment, I merrily set about arranging my 250+ kuai worth of sandwich fixings into, well, sandwiches. As I mindlessly lick a bit of excess sauce from the lettuce, I experience Total Recall: Miracle Whip. The only white trash food product that out-white-trashes mayonnaise: mfkn Miracle Whip. It's so white trashy, that even trailer park dwellers abandon it for mayonaise when they upgrade to a double-wide.

    Who fkn eats that shit? I'd rather squeeze bat guano over my deli meats.

    WTF, how much is 250 kuai nowadays, like 40something USD? For four or five miracle whipped FEMA shelter sandwiches?

    I'm done with the dumbass Rapril Gourmet deli, I'll just stick to Subway from here on out if I need a sandwich fix.







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    The Great Splendini

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    Re: There's nothing fkn "miraculous" about Miracle Whip

    Post  The Great Splendini on Thu Feb 07, 2013 9:37 am

    that crappy mayo is not healthy.

    and neither are cold cuts. and they're a bloody ripoff in china.

    just get some dijon mustard at carrefour and cook up a real chicken breast and you got yourself a healthier sandwich that costs 10 times less.

    or get some ground beef and make a meatball sub.



    The Great Splendini

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    Re: There's nothing fkn "miraculous" about Miracle Whip

    Post  The Great Splendini on Thu Feb 07, 2013 10:37 am

    other options to bypass overpriced cold cuts:

    BLT.

    Tomato and Fresh Mozzarella with a dash of basil

    Grilled Veggies and melted cheese


    The Great Splendini

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    Re: There's nothing fkn "miraculous" about Miracle Whip

    Post  The Great Splendini on Thu Feb 07, 2013 10:55 am

    is that beautiful or is that beautiful?
    olive oil and balsamic vinegar and provolone and grilled eggplant and peppers is pure heaven!


    http://www.grillingcompanion.com/veggie-sandwich/


    The Great Splendini

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    Re: There's nothing fkn "miraculous" about Miracle Whip

    Post  The Great Splendini on Thu Feb 07, 2013 2:08 pm

    or a frittata with mushrooms and red peppers.
    add it to buttered toast and you're in heaven.

    any of the above suggestions are better than subway.

    subway bread is shit. no option for toasting it. cheap processed cheese.
    and raw veggies in a sandwich is not that great.

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    Psioncy

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    Re: There's nothing fkn "miraculous" about Miracle Whip

    Post  Psioncy on Sun Feb 10, 2013 12:46 am

    You know what? How about don't tell me about "cold cuts".

    U wouldn't know a real sandwich if it raped u up the ass thru ur mouth.

    Which is *exactly* what salami will do.

    Yeah... I already know I grill a chicken breast and put it on some bread.

    You however r a fkn retard, FUPI!


    _________________
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    Psioncy

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    Re: There's nothing fkn "miraculous" about Miracle Whip

    Post  Psioncy on Sun Feb 10, 2013 12:49 am

    Roasted red peppers I'll agree with. But that's it.


    _________________
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    The Great Splendini

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    Re: There's nothing fkn "miraculous" about Miracle Whip

    Post  The Great Splendini on Sun Feb 10, 2013 9:05 am

    have some more miracle whip, you white trailer trash son of a cheap escort you.


    The Great Splendini

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    Re: There's nothing fkn "miraculous" about Miracle Whip

    Post  The Great Splendini on Mon Feb 11, 2013 10:20 am

    what the fuck do you know about provolone?

    i stick motherfucking provolone in my socks at night so my feet smell like your sister's crotch in the morning.

    go back to your fucking velveeta.

    and stay far the fuck away from foreign cheeses you know nothing about.

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    Psioncy

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    Re: There's nothing fkn "miraculous" about Miracle Whip

    Post  Psioncy on Thu Mar 21, 2013 6:22 pm

    I just lost all respect for you


    _________________
    "It's all part of the plan."
    "What is the plan?"
    "I kind of make the plan up as I go."
    "That's not really a plan then."
    "Okay, so it's not a plan. Look, I'm not good with plans."
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    Psioncy

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    Re: There's nothing fkn "miraculous" about Miracle Whip

    Post  Psioncy on Thu Mar 21, 2013 6:25 pm

    Let me clear for you, i know u r from Canada.

    It's ok, white pple\\ can't help that. I understand.. I just don't understand ur lies.

    U m'fkr@!


    _________________
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    Psioncy

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    Re: There's nothing fkn "miraculous" about Miracle Whip

    Post  Psioncy on Thu Mar 21, 2013 6:27 pm

    yeah i'd prefger it be girl


    but u r so stupid


    like a bitch!


    _________________
    "It's all part of the plan."
    "What is the plan?"
    "I kind of make the plan up as I go."
    "That's not really a plan then."
    "Okay, so it's not a plan. Look, I'm not good with plans."
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    Psioncy

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    Re: There's nothing fkn "miraculous" about Miracle Whip

    Post  Psioncy on Thu Mar 21, 2013 6:28 pm

    my girl is gonna to me, cux she knows

    u r a dipshit vieing for my attention

    I don't care@@!!!


    _________________
    "It's all part of the plan."
    "What is the plan?"
    "I kind of make the plan up as I go."
    "That's not really a plan then."
    "Okay, so it's not a plan. Look, I'm not good with plans."
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    Psioncy

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    Re: There's nothing fkn "miraculous" about Miracle Whip

    Post  Psioncy on Thu Mar 21, 2013 6:30 pm

    Ilove her

    and pi is shit

    lalalala

    la la la la

    la la

    she is my girl

    (and pi is dipshit)

    la la

    u get it now????


    _________________
    "It's all part of the plan."
    "What is the plan?"
    "I kind of make the plan up as I go."
    "That's not really a plan then."
    "Okay, so it's not a plan. Look, I'm not good with plans."

    The Great Splendini

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    Re: There's nothing fkn "miraculous" about Miracle Whip

    Post  The Great Splendini on Thu Mar 21, 2013 7:38 pm

    stop masturbating to gay porn, sciency.

    your gf will be home soon.

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    Psioncy

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    Re: There's nothing fkn "miraculous" about Miracle Whip

    Post  Psioncy on Sat Apr 06, 2013 3:47 am


    What YOU will soon realize is that nothing life means anything

    And u will be dead and in Hell before u admit that.

    Don't worry, I've got connections....


    _________________
    "It's all part of the plan."
    "What is the plan?"
    "I kind of make the plan up as I go."
    "That's not really a plan then."
    "Okay, so it's not a plan. Look, I'm not good with plans."
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    Psioncy

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    Re: There's nothing fkn "miraculous" about Miracle Whip

    Post  Psioncy on Sat Apr 06, 2013 4:18 am

    Yeah miracle whip is gonna "whip" down ur throat...

    WE've got what is that term again?

    I forgot....

    Oh yeah...

    Kool Aid Man@!!!!! Oh YEAH!

    Corporate sell-out "OH NO!"

    Pi, let me remind u of our sister, the Andromeda galaxy. I will even give u some calligraphy...

    Ok ma?


    _________________
    "It's all part of the plan."
    "What is the plan?"
    "I kind of make the plan up as I go."
    "That's not really a plan then."
    "Okay, so it's not a plan. Look, I'm not good with plans."
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    Psioncy

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    Re: There's nothing fkn "miraculous" about Miracle Whip

    Post  Psioncy on Sat Apr 06, 2013 4:19 am



    _________________
    "It's all part of the plan."
    "What is the plan?"
    "I kind of make the plan up as I go."
    "That's not really a plan then."
    "Okay, so it's not a plan. Look, I'm not good with plans."
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    Psioncy

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    Re: There's nothing fkn "miraculous" about Miracle Whip

    Post  Psioncy on Sat Apr 06, 2013 4:45 am

    My calliphraphy is perfect, so if u got another job.

    Angel.

    Let it loose.

    Let's do it!!!!!!


    _________________
    "It's all part of the plan."
    "What is the plan?"
    "I kind of make the plan up as I go."
    "That's not really a plan then."
    "Okay, so it's not a plan. Look, I'm not good with plans."
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    Psioncy

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    Re: There's nothing fkn "miraculous" about Miracle Whip

    Post  Psioncy on Sat Apr 06, 2013 4:47 am

    The first angel to challenge me to a fight,will be so forgiven.
    !
    Very much, but then after that.... I cannot promise anything...!


    _________________
    "It's all part of the plan."
    "What is the plan?"
    "I kind of make the plan up as I go."
    "That's not really a plan then."
    "Okay, so it's not a plan. Look, I'm not good with plans."
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    Psioncy

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    Re: There's nothing fkn "miraculous" about Miracle Whip

    Post  Psioncy on Sat Apr 06, 2013 4:49 am

    OK,calliphracy challenged, u che armchaired sons of bitches.

    Do u remember me?

    Do u know who i am?

    I don't care, let's do it!


    _________________
    "It's all part of the plan."
    "What is the plan?"
    "I kind of make the plan up as I go."
    "That's not really a plan then."
    "Okay, so it's not a plan. Look, I'm not good with plans."
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    Psioncy

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    Re: There's nothing fkn "miraculous" about Miracle Whip

    Post  Psioncy on Sat Apr 06, 2013 4:51 am

    Ok, u want to fight me on a an intellectual plane?

    Let me first tell u this....

    Everything Plato, and Newton, and Einstein told u were

    LIES

    I have new paradigm shift for u. If u r not a pussy!


    _________________
    "It's all part of the plan."
    "What is the plan?"
    "I kind of make the plan up as I go."
    "That's not really a plan then."
    "Okay, so it's not a plan. Look, I'm not good with plans."

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